Empathy for Victims of Trauma

 Children love to play. In summer, they play in the water and in winter they love to play in the snow.
But one particular Russian woman in Germany hated the snow because she spent her childhood in Siberia. Cold weather is fun, but extreme cold is torture.

Not all people who come from the same country or climate react in the same way. I know a German man in Australia who loves the tropical heat. Other Europeans love winter sports. 

There are truly devoted Christians who love Jesus and worship from the heart in church services, but there are also Christians who fulfil their religious duties for years but can hardly stay awake because of sheer boredom.

Then there are Christians who were brutally abused as children in church or school. For them, worship is torture. 

Some become mentally ill and never recover. Others commit suicide, and others become angry atheists or seek peace in yoga, Buddhism, or the occult.

Some find their way to God in evangelical churches or the Pentecostal movement. 

Normal people have a hunger for tender physical touch, but those who have been severely burned or injured cannot bear to be touched.

Those who have been harassed, abused, or humiliated in church may find church services threatening, not only in Catholic churches, but also in evangelical churches or in the charismatic movement.
 
In the Psalms, we read that we should praise and worship God with reverence and enthusiasm, but will God condemn a wounded soul if someone just wants to pray quietly?

There are also many people who experienced sexual abuse in their childhood or marriage. They are no longer fit for marriage, but they still have strong sexual feelings. 

If they want to obey God, not commit adultery, reject promiscuity, and any kind of sex outside marriage, they may seek relief in masturbation. Should we criticise this escape route when there is no mention of it in the Bible?

In Jesus' earthly life, we see God's deep compassion for wounded and rejected outsiders. Paul emphasises not the law, but the grace of God. Hopefully, we will learn how Jesus and Paul loved our fellow human beings and ourselves with God's mercy.

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Rom 8:1 NRSVue

God Rescues Victims of Abusive Authority

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the LORD delivers him out of them all. Ps 34:18–19 NASB95

There is no life free of troubles. If you follow Jesus, God will protect you from many troubles, but there are other troubles that can come because you obey God and go against the values of the world.
I suffered a lot of stress as a child, and before I became a Christian.

This made me vulnerable to serious problems even after I became a Christian. They even got worse, and that was not because of persecution from unbelievers. Rather, it was because of legalistic, manipulative and controlling leadership in the churches I joined.

I know this experience is not unusual, although I wish it was not so.

Jesus warned his disciples that they should not be like the Pharisees. Clearly, this was and is a hidden danger for Christian leadership. Otherwise, Jesus would not have said it.

But you, do not be called ‘Rabbi’; for One is your Teacher, the Christ, and you are all brethren.
Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven.
And do not be called teachers; for One is your Teacher, the Christ. Mt 23:8–10 NKJV

Church leadership is so difficult, so I must resist the temptation to condemn leaders who go wrong. There was a pastor who treated me brutally when I was a new convert, but he himself was very young and inexperienced. Years later, I met him again, and he begged for forgiveness. I had already forgiven him, and I was so blessed to be reconciled.

Forgiveness is so important, but we must understand that forgiveness does not mean we should not have safe boundaries.

If you forgive an authoritarian pastor or bullying marriage partner, it does not mean you are obliged to stay close to a person who might continue to destroy you.

But you, do not be called ‘Rabbi’; for One is your Teacher, the Christ, and you are all brethren.
Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven.
And do not be called teachers; for One is your Teacher, the Christ. Mt 23:8–10 NKJV

If someone demands that you unconditionally submit to his control, you must are entitled to resist. In fact, you should resist, and if possible break off contact.

The Apostle Paul criticised the Christians in the church in Corinth because they had submitted to the control of authoritarian preachers.

For you put up with fools gladly, since you yourselves are wise!
For you put up with it if one brings you into bondage, if one devours you, if one takes from you, if one exalts himself, if one strikes you on the face. 2 Cor 11:19–20 NKJV

For centuries, the Roman Catholic Church demanded absolute obedience to the Priests, but protestants have no right to criticise. A prominent Pentecostal leader in America said there is a church on every street corner, and every one has its own pope. 

Another very popular Pentecostal preacher and author says we must always submit to every authority, even bad authority, because all leaders are appointed by God. 

This teaching is so dangerous.

We are told we must never be offended by a leader, but Jesus was frequently offended by the pride and bullying of Jewish leaders. Can this apply to Christian leaders today?

Jesus warned his disciples that they should not be like the Pharisees. Clearly, this was and is a hidden danger for Christian leadership. Otherwise, Jesus would not have said it.

But when human leaders let you down, don't give up on God. He has never let me down.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the LORD delivers him out of them all. Ps 34:18–19 NASB95

 

Essential Functions of Ordained Ministers

 Priests and pastors used to enjoy the kind of respect given to doctors and lawyers, but scandals have damaged the reputation of church leaders.

The most shocking stories have been exposures of sexual sins and abuse of children, but other forms of abuse can also be terribly destructive.

Cult like authoritarianism and financial extortion can also ruin the lives of naive followers.

These abuses of power have led many people to reject any kind of formal church affiliation, or even to reject faith in God Himself.

Some believers meet in informal home groups or house churches. Others stay at home and watch Christian television or ministry on YouTube.

Some want to belong to a Christian community but they don’t see any value in official ministry positions or ordained preachers with titles.

I have had terrible experiences which make me more than sympathetic to these de-churched freelance believers.

So many Christians look up to ordained preachers to tell them what to think, what to believe and what to do. This is childish passivity.

Ordained leadership is God’s idea, but not to keep believers passively dependant or under coercive control.

So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 

to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 

until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Eph 4:11–13 NIV

God appoints ministers to equip believers to be ministers, not to be ordained office holders but believers with ministries of their own.

But ordained ministers also have another vitally important function.

An 80 year old man had lived his life in luxury and playing around with women. When he became very sick, he was horrified to realise his time was short. He began to think seriously about his mortality and the judgement of God, so he called for a preacher to hear his confession and help him to make peace with God.

Only God knows if his repentance was genuine, but if there were no ordained ministers, who could be called to help?

Once I prayed for an old woman who was a nominal protestant. She was close to death when my wife and I prayed for her. Her Catholic husband called for a priest to anoint her with oil for healing. She made a miraculous recovery and was discharged from hospital.

Ordained pastors, bishops or priests can be a point of contact with God for weak believers or repentant sinners. This is so important.

Christian TV, Pros and Cons

 Some people don't like Christian television. They don't like the high pressure fundraising or the promotion of celebrity preachers. Or they may disagree with some of the teachings or questionable viewpoints.

I have seen all of these weaknesses, and yet I continue to support Christian television. Why?

I have also seen the same flaws in some local churches where I have been a member for years. These negative things hurt much more when you are exposed to them up close and personal, when you know the leaders and they know you.

In many years in different churches, I have experienced the good, the bad and the ugly.
The good has often been wonderful, the bad has brought disappointment and frustration. I thank God that He has healed me from much pain from ugly experiences in the past.

Most Christians have been involved in local churches. I thank God for them, with all their faults. Without them, it is hard to imagine how most people could even know about Jesus.

Jesus was human, but perfect.
We are human and very imperfect. Local churches are also human and very imperfect because their members and leaders are human and imperfect.

So when people find Jesus in local churches, but then get so hurt that they give up on the church, where do they turn to build their relationship with Jesus?

Some find help on the internet, others in home groups, and for many people Christian television is a form of life support.

I have been active in churches for 50 years.

For many years, I was addicted to Christian books. Why? Because Christian books allowed me to expand my faith and understanding.

Without books, I felt completely dependent on the limited perspective of my church leaders.
Then I discovered the internet and eventually Christian television. I could read or listen to a wide variety of Christian input and decide for myself where to dig deeper to find the gold of God's kingdom.

There are also millions of people who have never been near a church, but they watch TV. God wants to reach them.

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. 2 Pet 3:9 NIV

God loves people who go to church, but He also loves people who don't go to church and people who have reasons to mistrust or even hate everything related to religion.

Sometimes we read about people who have committed suicide as a result of traumatic experiences.

If you have been extremely hurt in a church, I want you to know that I have been there too. I also want you to know that God did not do this to me and He did not do it to you. Jesus also suffered at the hands of people who were supposed to represent God.

He (God) longs for everyone to embrace life and to return to the full knowledge of the truth. 1 Timothy 2:4 (The Passion Translation)

The apostle Paul was in prison. He was a victim of persecution because of his preaching. His sermons were motivated by devotion to Jesus and love for people.

He saw clearly what is also obvious to us today, namely that not all sermons are inspired by pure love of God and compassion for people.

Nevertheless, he did not attack preachers who proclaimed Jesus, even if their motives were questionable.

It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill.
...
But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. … Php 1:15,18 NIV

God uses very flawed people. In the Old Testament, we see, for example, Samson and King Solomon. We don't have to throw the baby out with the bathwater. People who have hurt you have also told you about Jesus. Hold on to him. He wants to heal you.

Right now we need radio, television and the internet like never before. Stay open to God's blessings.

Recovering from Disappointment

Are you disappointed with Christians? Maybe God is disappointed too, but He still loves them, and He loves you too.

You can find God's love if you seek God yourself, no matter what other Christians or non-Christians do. Without God, there is no hope in all eternity. If you take God seriously, you will find Him.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Mt 7:7–8 NIV

Do you often think about bitter experiences or how people have hurt you? Sadly that is all too common. But too many such thoughts can poison your soul. You can deliberately reflect on beautiful memories. It works like an antidote.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Php 4:8 NIV

Once I was in a church service. I was thinking about my many disappointments in the church and in other churches. I thought about how I had experienced shipwreck again and again. I opened my heart to God and I received a whole new insight from God.

I was shipwrecked several times, but God gave me the treasure. In my spirit I saw an image of a treasure chest on the seabed.

Despite my many mistakes, despite mistakes of others and sometimes even bullying from church leaders, despite all this I had experienced a lot of grace and learnt truth.

Despite my failures and traumatic experiences, God's saving love was always at work in my life.

“I will give you the treasures of darkness And hidden wealth of secret places, So that you may know that it is I, The LORD, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name. Is 45:3 NASB95

God wants to help you, but if you also need human help, a good therapist can sometimes help.

Manipulative, Controlling Leadership

 It hurts when you see Christians in leadership and they use the same dishonest political tactics as unbelievers. I've often felt like I was being manipulated by Christian leaders, and I wasn't wrong to feel that way.

It hurts to be pressured into supporting Christian leaders who promote themselves and their party, faction or ministry more than justice and mercy.

Every time an election comes up, I feel stressed about the twisting and manipulation that goes on around me.

When I asked God about this, I believe the Holy Spirit gave me a very clear answer.
Politics is mostly about manipulation. It is what it is.

What does the Bible say about that?

There are leaders who want to hide their mistakes, or the sins of their colleagues.

For there is nothing hidden which will not be revealed, nor has anything been kept secret but that it should come to light. Mk 4:22 NKJV

There are leaders who demand unconditional submission.

The apostle Paul was a true and faithful leader. Paul himself condemned the practice of dictatorial leadership.

In fact, you even put up with anyone who enslaves you or exploits you or takes advantage of you or puts on airs or slaps you in the face. 2 Cor 11:20 NIV

Paul defines the basis for true Christian fellowship.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Eph 5:21 NIV

Some Christians might argue that this mutual submission should only apply to Christians of the same rank. But how did Jesus understand this truth?

The first Christian woman chosen by God to witness the resurrection was not an apostle, but Mary Magdalene. When she and other women told the fearful apostles that they had seen Jesus, they did not believe. How did Jesus react?

Later Jesus appeared to the Eleven as they were eating; he rebuked them for their lack of faith and their stubborn refusal to believe those who had seen him after he had risen. Mk 16:14 NIV

When a leader goes wrong, some Christians claim he was not chosen by God, but King Saul was chosen by God.

There are Christians who claim that you should never publicly criticise a chosen leader, but David openly accused Saul.

Suppose you have been abused, bullied and shunned by Christian leaders, pastors or politicians.

What does Jesus think about this?

In John 9, Jesus healed a blind man. When the man testified that Jesus had healed him, he was excommunicated by the religious leaders.

Jesus didn't just heal the man. He sought him out to help him when he had become a persecuted outcast.

Jesus heard that they had thrown him out, and when he found him, he said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?”

“Who is he, sir?” the man asked. “Tell me so that I may believe in him.”

Jesus said, “You have now seen him; in fact, he is the one speaking with you.”

Then the man said, “Lord, I believe,” and he worshipped him. Jn 9:35–38 NIV

Are you being bullied or ostracised by religious leaders? Please don't blame Jesus. He wants to help you personally. The same religious leaders crucified Jesus, but he returned from the grave.

As a young Christian, I was excommunicated, but I learned that the cruel leaders were not the source of my salvation, but Jesus Himself.

The LORD builds up Jerusalem; he gathers the exiles of Israel.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Ps 147:2–3 NIV

Jesus gathered the outcasts of Israel and he also gathers the Christian outcasts today.

Healing from Spiritual Abuse

 I was 24 years old and I was a lost soul. I somehow believed in Jesus, but I was torn by so many doubts. I sought help for my depression with a good therapist, but he couldn't eliminate my existential fears.  

I attended a church where I learnt a humanistic worldview, but I wasn't convinced in my heart.

I attended a yoga class, but I didn't find an eternal reality there.
I visited a fanatical sect and my confusion only got worse.

Traumatised, I finally sought help from my cousin, a loving, Bible-believing Christian.
I attended a church with her where I heard a powerful testimony from a preacher who had been persecuted for years in a communist prison and had remained faithful.

I was determined to believe in Jesus and the Bible. That was the beginning of my new life with God.

But not everything went smoothly. The leaders of this church were seemingly flawless like the apostle Paul, but unfortunately that was not the case.

The pastors wanted to tightly control everyone. I wasn't supposed to see my therapist anymore. I was supposed to fast and pray and fast and pray.

It was all too much for me and I broke down.

I was cast out as an unreconstructed sinner and I had a complete nervous breakdown.

But Jesus never rejected or condemned me. Jesus loves the weak and wounded sheep that some preachers despise and cast out.

If you want to understand this, you can find similar stories in the New Testament.

Jesus healed a man who was blind from birth. He gave his testimony but the Pharisees did not want to believe that Jesus had healed him, but the healed man would not give in. He dared to contradict the Pharisees and they excommunicated him from the Jewish community.

Jesus heard that they had thrown him out, and when he found him, he said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?”

“Who is he, sir?” the man asked. “Tell me so that I may believe in him.”

Jesus said, “You have now seen him; in fact, he is the one speaking with you.”
Then the man said, “Lord, I believe,” and he worshipped him. Jn 9:35–38 NIV

In the following chapter, Jesus explains that he is the Good Shepherd who wants to save the misunderstood and rejected sheep.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
“I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep. Jn 10:10–11 NASB95

No matter how people have abused you, you are no less loved by Jesus.

Jesus is speaking to you now.

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Mt 11:28 NASB95

Good Shepherds

 Many have experienced very painful spiritual abuse and I have been traumatised by it myself.

We are familiar with many tragic stories. We see on the daily news how preachers abuse women and children. We can start to look at pastors and priests as enemies, but that would not be fair.

Who has never been misunderstood and hurt by their parents? Maybe some have. But imagine a world without parents, a world without a mother's love.

There are pastors who are guides for deeply wounded people, preachers who pass on God's love and lift up people who have been ruined.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer was not only a great theologian, but also a faithful pastor. He was a good shepherd in Germany during the Nazi era. He was not only the leader, but also a role model for the faithful Christians in the national church.

He sacrificed his life before the end of the war. He was executed by the Nazis. He was a heroic pastor and he was by no means the only one.

In 1941 in Auschwitz, a prisoner managed to escape. In retaliation, ten prisoners were to starve. One of the ten wailed loudly because of his wife and children.

The priest Maximilian Kolbe was also there. He volunteered to go to his death for his traumatised father. He spent three weeks with the other nine victims in the death bunker, where he comforted the others with faith and love. He was a true shepherd.

Countless preachers have suffered voluntarily in prisons, not only in Nazi Germany, but in communist and Islamic countries.

As a young man, I was depressed and needed a therapist. As a newly converted Christian, I also needed a good pastor. Unfortunately, my first pastors were very legalistic, manipulative and authoritarian. Instead of understanding and compassion, I experienced spiritual abuse.

I was rejected and shunned and I broke down. But I didn't stay down. I thank God for good pastors who helped me later.

My father was a psychiatrist. He didn't become a believer until he was 88, but he was a good doctor. I met Christians who were very grateful for his care.

I have also seen terrible abuse in psychiatric hospitals. I never want to discard good psychiatry because of bad psychiatry.

I also never want to disregard good pastors because of bad or even cruel pastors.

I have often been disappointed with pastors and sometimes badly hurt, but I would never have come to where I am now without good pastors.

Pastors are just people. So many have been hurt by parents, but imagine how we could live without parents.

In the Bible, Jesus is the Good Shepherd.

“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. Jn 10:11 NIV

He is our role model, whether we are fathers, mothers, pastors or employers.

I thank God for good fathers and mothers, good teachers and therapists, for good doctors and nurses, for good pastors and preachers.

Don't Let Cruel Abuse Destroy You

Joseph was his father Jacob's favourite son. Jacob spoiled him and gave him a splendid robe. This aroused the envy of his brothers and they hated him.

They wanted to kill him, but instead they sold him as a slave.

These men were the fathers of the twelve Hebrew tribes.

These tribes formed the chosen people of God, but their behaviour was anything but holy.
Joseph was prophetically gifted but unbearably proud and arrogant.

His brothers were hateful and cruel.   

We Christians read the history of the Jews in the Bible and we are often proud that we are supposedly better.

We read in the New Testament about the heroic faith of the apostles and the love and virtue of the first Christians, but not everything in the first churches was beautiful and good.

There were good but also evil church leaders.

Paul teaches us that we should not passively accept cruel treatment from preachers and leaders.

For you tolerate it if anyone enslaves you, anyone devours you, anyone takes advantage of you, anyone exalts himself, anyone hits you in the face. 2 Cor 11:20 NASB95

But surely there is no such brutal leadership these days. Yes, there is.

We often read terrible reports of Catholics who were sexually abused as children in the church.

In America, there are also many reports of sexual exploitation of young women in evangelical churches.

A Christian journalist in Australia has researched the stories of harassed wives of pastors. These women told how they were enslaved and often raped by their outwardly respectable husbands.

Jesus warned his apostles that they were not immune to hypocrisy either. We can all fail. Where can you find a Christian who has never been hurt by other Christians?

There are two tragic mistakes that we must avoid.
Some victims learn never to resist, to see themselves as inferior, to give up all hope.

When some husbands read in the Bible that their wives should submit, they demand slave like obedience. They don't allow access to a bank account. They always give orders and humiliate their wives all the time.

If the woman seeks help in the church, she is blamed because she is supposed to submit even more. There are women who put up with all this for years.

The other mistake is the strong reaction, whereby the injured victim escapes and then becomes an aggressive, bossy bully.

Joseph was the spoiled and proud son of Jacob. He was abducted by Arab slave traders and sold in Egypt. He suffered unjustly for years as a slave and then a prisoner, but he never gave up and never became bitter.

Joseph was finally freed from captivity. The strange prophetic dreams of his youth were astonishingly fulfilled. He became the head of the Egyptian government and then he was reconciled with his family.

Perhaps you have had to endure terrible experiences in churches, as I have myself. Please don't give up. Jesus was also persecuted by God's people. He understands your suffering and he loves you.

God has a way out for you, not unconditional submission, but not resentment and revenge either.

Of course this does not mean you cannot publicly call out for justice. Of course it is right to report rape to the police. Of course it is right to denounce abusive church leaders. Jesus and Paul publicly denounced bullies in pulpits.

‘Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you greatand mighty things, which you do not know.’ Jer 33:3 NASB95

Don't Let Abuse Cripple You

 Joseph was his father Jacob's favourite son. Jacob spoiled him and gave him a splendid robe. This aroused the envy of his brothers and they hated him.

They wanted to kill him, but instead they sold him as a slave.

These men were the fathers of the twelve Hebrew tribes.

These tribes formed the chosen people of God, but their behaviour was anything but holy.
Joseph was prophetically gifted but unbearably proud and arrogant.

His brothers were hateful and cruel.   

We Christians read the history of the Jews in the Bible and we are often proud that we are supposedly better.

We read in the New Testament about the heroic faith of the apostles and the love and virtue of the first Christians, but not everything in the first churches was beautiful and good.

There were good but also evil church leaders.

Paul teaches us that we should not passively accept cruel treatment from preachers and leaders.

For you tolerate it if anyone enslaves you, anyone devours you, anyone takes advantage of you, anyone exalts himself, anyone hits you in the face. 2 Cor 11:20 NASB95

But surely there is no such brutal leadership these days. Yes, there is.

We often read terrible reports of Catholics who were sexually abused as children in the church.

In America, there are also many reports of sexual exploitation of young women in evangelical churches.

A Christian journalist in Australia has researched the stories of harassed wives of pastors. These women told how they were enslaved and often raped by their outwardly respectable husbands.

Jesus warned his apostles that they were not immune to hypocrisy either. We can all fail. Where can you find a Christian who has never been hurt by other Christians?

There are two tragic mistakes that we must avoid.
Some victims learn never to resist, to see themselves as inferior, to give up all hope.

When some husbands read in the Bible that their wives should submit, they demand slave like obedience. They don't allow access to a bank account. They always give orders and humiliate their wives all the time.

If the woman seeks help in the church, she is blamed because she is supposed to submit even more. There are women who put up with all this for years.

The other mistake is the strong reaction, whereby the injured victim escapes and then becomes an aggressive, bossy bully.

Joseph was the spoiled and proud son of Jacob. He was abducted by Arab slave traders and sold in Egypt. He suffered unjustly for years as a slave and then a prisoner, but he never gave up and never became bitter.

Joseph was finally freed from captivity. The strange prophetic dreams of his youth were astonishingly fulfilled. He became the head of the Egyptian government and then he was reconciled with his family.

Perhaps you have had to endure terrible experiences in churches, as I have myself. Please don't give up. Jesus was also persecuted by God's people. He understands your suffering and he loves you.

God has a way out for you, not unconditional submission, but not resentment and revenge either.

Of course this does not mean you cannot publicly call out for justice. Of course it is right to report rape to the police. Of course it is right to denounce abusive church leaders. Jesus and Paul publicly denounced bullies in pulpits.

‘Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you greatand mighty things, which you do not know.’ Jer 33:3 NASB95

Spiritual Abuse. The Way Out.

There are Christians who are seriously ill or under threat. They pray. They quote God's promises from the Bible. And yet they cannot get rid of the illness, or they remain desperate and often panic.

I understand this from my own experience. I am now 75 years old, but as a young man I was a newly converted Christian. I saw a therapist every week and then I became a believing Christian.

My first church was extreme and fanatical.
I experienced the presence of God and His sweet love, but you learnt in church that you should fast repeatedly and be afraid of God's judgement.

The pastors were like little gods, like prophets sitting on a judgement seat. You had to obey, obey, obey.

I was no longer allowed to speak to the therapist every week, but to the pastor.

I couldn't stand the stress.

One day I snapped, I angrily told the pastor I didn’t want to be a Christian. The pastor excommunicated me. He ordered me not to attend any other church. I was supposedly damned until I might repent one day.

That was spiritual abuse. I was devastated.

My parents came to my rescue. I spent a whole year in a psychiatric hospital.

Then I realised that hundreds of other Christians had been excommunicated from that sect. The scales fell from my eyes. I was free to be a normal Christian, no longer condemned.

But the way back to normal life was not so easy.

I had to learn to believe in the God of love and grace. I had to learn to trust God for my healing.

 I had to learn to think for myself instead of remaining a dependent disciple always seeking advice from a pastor.

Maybe you are a Christian, but you are a victim of brainwashing and abuse. If you have experienced this, you are traumatised, and perhaps often physically ill.

Please don't give up. I have learnt to use God's promises in the Bible as a shield and umbrella, and also as a weapon.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. Jn 10:10 NRSV

I read in the Bible that there is a devil. He also infiltrates pious churches. You must learn to resist the devil by believing in God's goodness and kindness.

Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, Rom 5:1 NRSV 

So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new! 2 Co 5:17 NRSV

I have learnt to overcome abuse and trauma. Now, by God's grace, I can help others find their way out.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Cor 1:3–4 NIV

You too can walk this path. God has wonderful plans for your life.

The Wrong Cross

 In a dream, I saw a Christian hanging on a cross.

I don't remember any other details except that the Christian had experienced disappointing results in his efforts to serve God.

What was the reason for this lack of success? The words in my dream were as clear as the sun in the sky.
‘The wrong cross!’

The Christian was nailed to a cross, but it was not ordained by God. What could that mean?

I didn't see anything more concrete in the dream, and God didn't speak directly to me about it, but as I thought about the message, many real-life stories came to mind.

Both the Lord Jesus and the Apostle Paul taught that celibacy is a calling and a gift from God that is only given to some people. Paul was celibate, but most of the apostles, including Peter, were married.

Yet there are some churches that require all ordained ministers to be celibate. We regularly read about sex scandals in the media. Obviously, celibacy is ‘the wrong cross’ for many people.

There are also churches where you are supposed to get married. You are even told who to marry and who not to marry.

Many Christian women see their husbands criminally assaulting their own children or abusing them with porn or incest. When such women protest, they are often not believed by church leaders or are told it is their own fault for not being a sexually satisfying wife.

They are often told that it is a sin to leave their husband. ‘God hates divorce’ for whatever reason. If these women submit to this torture, they are on the ‘wrong cross’.

There are women who are taught that contraception is a sin and that they must give birth to as many children as possible.

They are on ‘The Wrong Cross’.

There are women who are taught that they must always obey their husbands unconditionally. They are not free to serve God as disciples who receive their calling and guidance directly from God.

They are on the ‘wrong cross’.

There are women who are taught that they are not allowed to preach or teach. Many are called and gifted by God to do what their pastors or husbands forbid.

Many of these women are on the ‘Wrong Cross’.

Many Christians are taught that submission to the leaders of their church is their first duty. Leaving their church or joining another church is sin. They must sacrifice their dreams for their own lives and ministry in order to serve the vision of the head pastor.

This can lead to a life of passive religiosity. They are not allowed to think for themselves or express opinions other than those of their leaders.

These people are at the ‘wrong cross’.

I know a pastor whose people call him ‘Papa’.

Some say you should never hold your pastor accountable because a pastor is like Moses who was accountable to no one but God.

What did Jesus say?

“But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have one Teacher, and you are all brothers.
And do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. Mt 23:8–9 NIV

There are Christians who are taught that God uses sickness to purify us through suffering. Many people suffer from sickness because they believe they are glorifying God.

They are on the ‘wrong cross’.

There is only one cross that deals with sickness, the cross of Jesus Christ.

That evening they brought to him many who were possessed with demons; and he cast out the spirits with a word, and cured all who were sick.

This was to fulfil what had been spoken through the prophet Isaiah, “He took our infirmities and bore our diseases.” Mt 8:16–17 NRSV

When I read the Gospels, I see that Jesus is the healer, not the tormentor.
There are Christians who have been abused or mistreated for years. They develop a victim mentality, paralysed by false humility, bitterness or self-hatred. Jesus lived, died and rose again to set you free.

Please don't stay on the ‘wrong cross’.

Restauring Bullied Christians

There are lost sheep that Jesus wants to restore.

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 

And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders
and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbours together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ Lk 15:4–6 NIV

This well-known parable of Jesus is ignored by some preachers.

However, it should admonish us that we are called as witnesses for Jesus to win people for Jesus.

Many preachers use this parable to encourage us to pray for others and to evangelise. That is right and very important.

But when I consider this little story carefully, I don't see a wild sheep that has never been tamed.

The lost sheep in this parable already belonged to the flock, but somehow got lost.

I have no experience with sheep, but I do know a bit about keeping chickens.

My wife and I had a few chickens in our small backyard. It was always an outsider, a chicken that was bullied.

Then my mother-in-law gave us more chickens and the bullying got much worse.

One of the new arrivals was of a different breed. This hen had long feathers on its head, but no red crest.

The other hens were the worst racists.

The different-looking hen was totally rejected, cruelly picked on and rejected.

The bullying was constant and brutal. She moved away from the others and secluded herself in a corner or hid behind a bush.

There are communities where sexual sin is punished harshly, but very unfairly, because it is always the woman who is blamed. If a girl or young woman is harassed in this way and leaves the church, who takes care of her?

There are churches where a wife is supposed to obey unconditionally, but when husbands are cruel and domineering, the wife is blamed. Who cares for her?

There are many Christians who truly believe in Jesus, but they are somehow different.

A young man was converted in a very evangelistic church. In this church, cigarette smoking was tolerated for a while after conversion, but not for long.

After a few months this young man was still smoking and he was condemned as a rebellious sinner and cast out.

Such churches criticise churches without discipline. In the New Testament we read of only one case where a sinning Christian was to be expelled from the church.

But only one Christian in the New Testament was expelled from the church because of sin. He was a man in Corinth who was involved in a sexual relationship with his mother-in-law.

There are churches that function like exclusive sects. Those who do not submit unconditionally become victims of bullying. If such a Christian is expelled or leaves the church, no one cares about him.

In Corinth, some such preachers had seized control of the church. Paul rebuked the Christians who had submitted.

In fact, you even put up with anyone who enslaves you or exploits you or takes advantage of you or puts on airs or slaps you in the face. 2 Co 11:20 NIV

This still happens. There are many traumatised people who have been victims of bullying in churches and cults. They are lost sheep. Who looks after them?

The Power of Good Thoughts

 I was studying to be a social worker. I had a practical placement in a public hospital. 

The social worker introduced the students to a cancer ward. She explained that dying patients were given strong narcotics to ease the pain and mental suffering. The medication was effective but it also helped the patients to die more quickly.

I began to think more intensely about my mortality and the meaning of my life. I was in my twenties and I could look forward to 50 or 60 more years, but what then?

I was going to a church which focused on humanist theology, social justice, therapy for troubled souls and human solutions to problems. I had a nagging feeling that I was avoiding eternal spiritual issues, but I was afraid to commit myself to the God of eternal heaven and hell.

In my confused state of mind, I was enticed by a horrible cult following a false Messiah. After a few days of brainwashing I was on the edge of a mental breakdown and I walked out of the commune.

I was desperate and I was finally ready to go to a church that took the bible seriously. I made a real commitment to be a disciple of Jesus, but I was still very depressed.

A good Christian friend took me to a church where I encountered the love and the real presence of God, but sadly this was not a happy ending.

This church turned out to be an authoritarian cult. I was told to fast a lot and to stop seeing my psychiatrist. It was a disaster. I became upset and angry and I was excommunicated by the pastors.

I spiralled down into an abyss of mental illness and I spent 12 months in a psychiatric ward on strong medication.

In the few months before I was excommunicated, I had been hammered by severe preaching. We were told we must be broken in spirit, that our wills must be broken to submit fully to God. I was already broken by terrible trials and I just could not take this poisonous mixture of obligation, fear and guilt.

Before and long after I left that church, I lived in fear of condemnation from God. At times, I was terrified.

Eventually I left the hospital and went to a good church, where I found kind people and good ministers, but I struggled to overcome the deep depression.

I remember standing outside the church after a good meeting. I looked up at the night sky and told God I just wanted to die and go to heaven.

In this short article, I don't want to tell my whole life story, but the question is how I overcame my trauma.

I found a church where God's grace and miraculous healings were emphasised. I learnt to experience and enjoy God's loving presence on long walks.

Even in the hospital, I learned to distract myself from the horrible thoughts with positive and creative activities.

Sometimes I hear Christians condemning psychiatry and medication. I can only say that they are often misguided by ignorance and prejudice.

I am eternally grateful for the support of my parents, and also of good friends and loving Christians.

I have been in a church for seven years where a pastor has taught us to unleash our imagination to think of fond memories and develop an attitude of gratitude.

This is so important that we focus on beautiful thoughts.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling bad, I simply remember my favourite things, and then I don't feel so bad.’ (The Sound of Music.. Rogers and Hammerstein)

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Php 4:8 NIV

Unlikely Miracles in Hard Places

 1941 Paris under Nazi occupation. Jews had to wear a yellow star and were deported and murdered en masse.

A seven-year-old Jewish boy was visiting a Christian friend, but stayed too long. There was a curfew for Jews. After 6 pm, he risked being arrested in the street.

He turned his jacket inside out to hide the yellow star and made his way home.

But then his nightmare got worse. A German officer in a black SS uniform approached him.

It wasn't a dream, but then, as in a dream, the tables were turned.

The officer hugged him lovingly and spoke to him in a friendly way, even though the boy didn't understand German. Then he showed him a photograph of a boy, perhaps his son. And it got even better. He gave the astonished boy some banknotes and sent him home with more kind words.

The boy and his family survived the Nazi era, and they settled in Israel after the war. The boy never forgot the kind SS officer. Fascinated by the contradictions of human nature, he studied psychology.

He became a psychologist in the Israeli army and then went to America to do his doctorate.

He became a world-famous author and Nobel laureate.

Are you perhaps in an inhuman situation like this SS officer? But there is a good God who has good plans for you.

Oskar Schindler was a wealthy businessman and Nazi member. He used his position to save many Jews.  

I met a Russian woman. Her father was a communist, but her mother took the children to the church while her father was politically active.

A German concentration camp commandant used his position to save many Jews. He helped the Jews to build hiding places in the camp so that the SS could not find them.

As a young Christian, I was cruelly abused in an authoritarian church. I had a nervous breakdown and needed intensive psychiatric help. I spent a whole year in hospital, but God still had good plans for my life.

When I returned home, I visited other patients and encouraged them to trust in God.

The Apostle Paul was cruelly persecuted, flogged and sometimes imprisoned, but he used his imprisonment to pray for persecuted Christians. He also wrote letters to the churches. These letters are now books of the New Testament.

What is your situation like? Probably not ideal. Perhaps a nightmare.

Jesus wants to rescue you from your predicament, but perhaps not overnight.

Corrie ten Boom was a Dutch woman who ended up in a concentration camp in Germany because her family had been hiding Jews. She suffered terrible ordeals, but even in the concentration camp she served as a missionary.

Her sister was murdered in the camp, but she was released one day because of a clerical error by German officials.

After the war, she became a travelling evangelist, also in Germany.

Is your situation very difficult? If it's possible to escape a brutal marriage, it's probably all the better. Maternal care and the safety of the children outweigh the obligation to stay in the marriage.

If you are being victimised in a legalistic church, you may not be allowed to leave, but such rules do not come from God.

But even if you can't escape your situation, God can help you to be a blessing to others.

The apostle Paul vividly describes his trust in God in the midst of adversity.

We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;
persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 2 Co 4:8–10 NIV

God's Way Out for Traumatised Victims

 In the decades after the war, there were Jews who could not bear to hear the German language.

Some people were so traumatised as children that they never want to marry. Some become homosexuals; others live in de-facto relationships. Others run away as teenagers and become homeless.

There are also many Christians who are so manipulated and disrespected in churches that they often feel threatened in church services.

God has given us homeland, family, marriage and church, but when these gifts of God are corrupted by lust for power, there are  countless victims who find life unbearable.

My wife and I were in a wonderful church for about ten years. Many loved God with a good heart. Many reached out to people on the streets.

Everyone was welcome: homeless, witches, prostitutes, it didn't matter. 

Some New Age people came to seek God, others came to practice witchcraft against us, but the Christians prayed with power and authority so that the devil could not gain the upper hand.

Such a situation can become chaotic. There are some communities where the leaders are harsh rulers, perhaps out of greed for power, or perhaps out of fear of chaos.

Our pastor often said it was easer for him to control people than   to lead free people, but he was determined to respect everybody's freedom.

Paul also believed in freedom. He was extremely critical of preachers who wanted to rule harshly. He told the Christians in Corinth not to submit to such leadership.

You put up with it when someone enslaves you, takes everything you have, takes advantage of you, takes control of everything, and slaps you in the face. 2 Corinthians 11:20 NLT

Paul not only criticised the arrogant preachers for their cruelty, but also submissive Christians, for their obedience.

Cruel abuse of authority wreaks havoc. Many women and men want nothing more to do with God or the church because of severe Christian parents, teachers or preachers.

A good preacher told how she was out on the streets proselytising among prostitutes. Quite a few young women on the street came from devout Christian families.

How can we win the traumatised victims for Jesus?

Our role model is Jesus. He preached very hard against the sins of the arrogant religious leaders, but he was gentle and kind with the despised sinners.

The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and “sinners.” ’ Luke 7:34 NIV84

Are you yourself badly hurt, rejected and traumatised? Do you need to submit again to escape God's judgement? Many wrestle with such terrifying thoughts.

God's ways for you are quite different. He wants to welcome you kindly and help you with gentleness.

You are Allowed to Make Mistakes

You are allowed to make mistakes.

When I was a young newly converted Christian, I joined a church where complete surrender was required.

I had dabbled with humanistic religion for a few years. Was that my search for truth or my flight from truth? A good question.

In the Bible, truth, holiness and obedience are strongly emphasised, no question, but you also find in the Bible the God of grace and kindness.

In this church, the presence of the Holy Spirit could be felt and I felt the love of God in a wonderful way. Where people genuinely seek God's presence, God allows his presence to be tangibly experienced.

In the New Testament I see both, the holiness of God and the grace of God. We need both, because there are not two Gods, but only one God. The God of holiness is also the loving God of grace who cares for weak Christians with gentleness.

In this church, preachers demanded extreme obedience. They threatened and intimidated the members. This is not from God.

I was under the impression that the preachers and leaders were holy and faultless, and I was not allowed to make any mistakes either.

Striving for total obedience became torture. I simply could not stand the stress. I was excommunicated, but God did not agree with the preachers' judgement.
I am still alive God blesses me more than ever.

What have I learnt from all this?

• Obedience is important, but God understands my weaknesses and loves me indispensably.

• I am allowed to make mistakes.

• It is dangerous to think of preachers and church leaders as super saints.

• All Christians make mistakes and all pastors and preachers make mistakes.

• When I am misunderstood or condemned by preachers, I have a God who understands me completely and does not condemn me.

• There are many preachers who claim to have a message from God. Sometimes it is true and sometimes it is not.

• I can learn to hear God's voice, but it is a learning process. I am also allowed to make mistakes.

• God loves me in spite of everything.

• He has a good plan for my life, even if other Christians often don't understand that plan. Pastors can also misunderstand God's plans for me.

I have since found good churches and good pastors. God knows how to guide and comfort his children.

"Comfort, comfort my people!" says your God.
“Comfort, yes, comfort my people,” says your God.

“Speak tenderly to Jerusalem and tell her that her sad days are gone. Her sins are pardoned, and I have punished her in full for all her sins.” Isaiah 40:1–2 The Living Bible