The Power of Good Thoughts

 I was studying to be a social worker. I had a practical placement in a public hospital. 

The social worker introduced the students to a cancer ward. She explained that dying patients were given strong narcotics to ease the pain and mental suffering. The medication was effective but it also helped the patients to die more quickly.

I began to think more intensely about my mortality and the meaning of my life. I was in my twenties and I could look forward to 50 or 60 more years, but what then?

I was going to a church which focused on humanist theology, social justice, therapy for troubled souls and human solutions to problems. I had a nagging feeling that I was avoiding eternal spiritual issues, but I was afraid to commit myself to the God of eternal heaven and hell.

In my confused state of mind, I was enticed by a horrible cult following a false Messiah. After a few days of brainwashing I was on the edge of a mental breakdown and I walked out of the commune.

I was desperate and I was finally ready to go to a church that took the bible seriously. I made a real commitment to be a disciple of Jesus, but I was still very depressed.

A good Christian friend took me to a church where I encountered the love and the real presence of God, but sadly this was not a happy ending.

This church turned out to be an authoritarian cult. I was told to fast a lot and to stop seeing my psychiatrist. It was a disaster. I became upset and angry and I was excommunicated by the pastors.

I spiralled down into an abyss of mental illness and I spent 12 months in a psychiatric ward on strong medication.

In the few months before I was excommunicated, I had been hammered by severe preaching. We were told we must be broken in spirit, that our wills must be broken to submit fully to God. I was already broken by terrible trials and I just could not take this poisonous mixture of obligation, fear and guilt.

Before and long after I left that church, I lived in fear of condemnation from God. At times, I was terrified.

Eventually I left the hospital and went to a good church, where I found kind people and good ministers, but I struggled to overcome the deep depression.

I remember standing outside the church after a good meeting. I looked up at the night sky and told God I just wanted to die and go to heaven.

In this short article, I don't want to tell my whole life story, but the question is how I overcame my trauma.

I found a church where God's grace and miraculous healings were emphasised. I learnt to experience and enjoy God's loving presence on long walks.

Even in the hospital, I learned to distract myself from the horrible thoughts with positive and creative activities.

Sometimes I hear Christians condemning psychiatry and medication. I can only say that they are often misguided by ignorance and prejudice.

I am eternally grateful for the support of my parents, and also of good friends and loving Christians.

I have been in a church for seven years where a pastor has taught us to unleash our imagination to think of fond memories and develop an attitude of gratitude.

This is so important that we focus on beautiful thoughts.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling bad, I simply remember my favourite things, and then I don't feel so bad.’ (The Sound of Music.. Rogers and Hammerstein)

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Php 4:8 NIV