Don't Let Cruel Abuse Destroy You

Joseph was his father Jacob's favourite son. Jacob spoiled him and gave him a splendid robe. This aroused the envy of his brothers and they hated him.

They wanted to kill him, but instead they sold him as a slave.

These men were the fathers of the twelve Hebrew tribes.

These tribes formed the chosen people of God, but their behaviour was anything but holy.
Joseph was prophetically gifted but unbearably proud and arrogant.

His brothers were hateful and cruel.   

We Christians read the history of the Jews in the Bible and we are often proud that we are supposedly better.

We read in the New Testament about the heroic faith of the apostles and the love and virtue of the first Christians, but not everything in the first churches was beautiful and good.

There were good but also evil church leaders.

Paul teaches us that we should not passively accept cruel treatment from preachers and leaders.

For you tolerate it if anyone enslaves you, anyone devours you, anyone takes advantage of you, anyone exalts himself, anyone hits you in the face. 2 Cor 11:20 NASB95

But surely there is no such brutal leadership these days. Yes, there is.

We often read terrible reports of Catholics who were sexually abused as children in the church.

In America, there are also many reports of sexual exploitation of young women in evangelical churches.

A Christian journalist in Australia has researched the stories of harassed wives of pastors. These women told how they were enslaved and often raped by their outwardly respectable husbands.

Jesus warned his apostles that they were not immune to hypocrisy either. We can all fail. Where can you find a Christian who has never been hurt by other Christians?

There are two tragic mistakes that we must avoid.
Some victims learn never to resist, to see themselves as inferior, to give up all hope.

When some husbands read in the Bible that their wives should submit, they demand slave like obedience. They don't allow access to a bank account. They always give orders and humiliate their wives all the time.

If the woman seeks help in the church, she is blamed because she is supposed to submit even more. There are women who put up with all this for years.

The other mistake is the strong reaction, whereby the injured victim escapes and then becomes an aggressive, bossy bully.

Joseph was the spoiled and proud son of Jacob. He was abducted by Arab slave traders and sold in Egypt. He suffered unjustly for years as a slave and then a prisoner, but he never gave up and never became bitter.

Joseph was finally freed from captivity. The strange prophetic dreams of his youth were astonishingly fulfilled. He became the head of the Egyptian government and then he was reconciled with his family.

Perhaps you have had to endure terrible experiences in churches, as I have myself. Please don't give up. Jesus was also persecuted by God's people. He understands your suffering and he loves you.

God has a way out for you, not unconditional submission, but not resentment and revenge either.

Of course this does not mean you cannot publicly call out for justice. Of course it is right to report rape to the police. Of course it is right to denounce abusive church leaders. Jesus and Paul publicly denounced bullies in pulpits.

‘Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you greatand mighty things, which you do not know.’ Jer 33:3 NASB95

Don't Let Abuse Cripple You

 Joseph was his father Jacob's favourite son. Jacob spoiled him and gave him a splendid robe. This aroused the envy of his brothers and they hated him.

They wanted to kill him, but instead they sold him as a slave.

These men were the fathers of the twelve Hebrew tribes.

These tribes formed the chosen people of God, but their behaviour was anything but holy.
Joseph was prophetically gifted but unbearably proud and arrogant.

His brothers were hateful and cruel.   

We Christians read the history of the Jews in the Bible and we are often proud that we are supposedly better.

We read in the New Testament about the heroic faith of the apostles and the love and virtue of the first Christians, but not everything in the first churches was beautiful and good.

There were good but also evil church leaders.

Paul teaches us that we should not passively accept cruel treatment from preachers and leaders.

For you tolerate it if anyone enslaves you, anyone devours you, anyone takes advantage of you, anyone exalts himself, anyone hits you in the face. 2 Cor 11:20 NASB95

But surely there is no such brutal leadership these days. Yes, there is.

We often read terrible reports of Catholics who were sexually abused as children in the church.

In America, there are also many reports of sexual exploitation of young women in evangelical churches.

A Christian journalist in Australia has researched the stories of harassed wives of pastors. These women told how they were enslaved and often raped by their outwardly respectable husbands.

Jesus warned his apostles that they were not immune to hypocrisy either. We can all fail. Where can you find a Christian who has never been hurt by other Christians?

There are two tragic mistakes that we must avoid.
Some victims learn never to resist, to see themselves as inferior, to give up all hope.

When some husbands read in the Bible that their wives should submit, they demand slave like obedience. They don't allow access to a bank account. They always give orders and humiliate their wives all the time.

If the woman seeks help in the church, she is blamed because she is supposed to submit even more. There are women who put up with all this for years.

The other mistake is the strong reaction, whereby the injured victim escapes and then becomes an aggressive, bossy bully.

Joseph was the spoiled and proud son of Jacob. He was abducted by Arab slave traders and sold in Egypt. He suffered unjustly for years as a slave and then a prisoner, but he never gave up and never became bitter.

Joseph was finally freed from captivity. The strange prophetic dreams of his youth were astonishingly fulfilled. He became the head of the Egyptian government and then he was reconciled with his family.

Perhaps you have had to endure terrible experiences in churches, as I have myself. Please don't give up. Jesus was also persecuted by God's people. He understands your suffering and he loves you.

God has a way out for you, not unconditional submission, but not resentment and revenge either.

Of course this does not mean you cannot publicly call out for justice. Of course it is right to report rape to the police. Of course it is right to denounce abusive church leaders. Jesus and Paul publicly denounced bullies in pulpits.

‘Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you greatand mighty things, which you do not know.’ Jer 33:3 NASB95

Spiritual Abuse. The Way Out.

There are Christians who are seriously ill or under threat. They pray. They quote God's promises from the Bible. And yet they cannot get rid of the illness, or they remain desperate and often panic.

I understand this from my own experience. I am now 75 years old, but as a young man I was a newly converted Christian. I saw a therapist every week and then I became a believing Christian.

My first church was extreme and fanatical.
I experienced the presence of God and His sweet love, but you learnt in church that you should fast repeatedly and be afraid of God's judgement.

The pastors were like little gods, like prophets sitting on a judgement seat. You had to obey, obey, obey.

I was no longer allowed to speak to the therapist every week, but to the pastor.

I couldn't stand the stress.

One day I snapped, I angrily told the pastor I didn’t want to be a Christian. The pastor excommunicated me. He ordered me not to attend any other church. I was supposedly damned until I might repent one day.

That was spiritual abuse. I was devastated.

My parents came to my rescue. I spent a whole year in a psychiatric hospital.

Then I realised that hundreds of other Christians had been excommunicated from that sect. The scales fell from my eyes. I was free to be a normal Christian, no longer condemned.

But the way back to normal life was not so easy.

I had to learn to believe in the God of love and grace. I had to learn to trust God for my healing.

 I had to learn to think for myself instead of remaining a dependent disciple always seeking advice from a pastor.

Maybe you are a Christian, but you are a victim of brainwashing and abuse. If you have experienced this, you are traumatised, and perhaps often physically ill.

Please don't give up. I have learnt to use God's promises in the Bible as a shield and umbrella, and also as a weapon.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. Jn 10:10 NRSV

I read in the Bible that there is a devil. He also infiltrates pious churches. You must learn to resist the devil by believing in God's goodness and kindness.

Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, Rom 5:1 NRSV 

So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new! 2 Co 5:17 NRSV

I have learnt to overcome abuse and trauma. Now, by God's grace, I can help others find their way out.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Cor 1:3–4 NIV

You too can walk this path. God has wonderful plans for your life.