Healing from Spiritual Abuse

 I was 24 years old and I was a lost soul. I somehow believed in Jesus, but I was torn by so many doubts. I sought help for my depression with a good therapist, but he couldn't eliminate my existential fears.  

I attended a church where I learnt a humanistic worldview, but I wasn't convinced in my heart.

I attended a yoga class, but I didn't find an eternal reality there.
I visited a fanatical sect and my confusion only got worse.

Traumatised, I finally sought help from my cousin, a loving, Bible-believing Christian.
I attended a church with her where I heard a powerful testimony from a preacher who had been persecuted for years in a communist prison and had remained faithful.

I was determined to believe in Jesus and the Bible. That was the beginning of my new life with God.

But not everything went smoothly. The leaders of this church were seemingly flawless like the apostle Paul, but unfortunately that was not the case.

The pastors wanted to tightly control everyone. I wasn't supposed to see my therapist anymore. I was supposed to fast and pray and fast and pray.

It was all too much for me and I broke down.

I was cast out as an unreconstructed sinner and I had a complete nervous breakdown.

But Jesus never rejected or condemned me. Jesus loves the weak and wounded sheep that some preachers despise and cast out.

If you want to understand this, you can find similar stories in the New Testament.

Jesus healed a man who was blind from birth. He gave his testimony but the Pharisees did not want to believe that Jesus had healed him, but the healed man would not give in. He dared to contradict the Pharisees and they excommunicated him from the Jewish community.

Jesus heard that they had thrown him out, and when he found him, he said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?”

“Who is he, sir?” the man asked. “Tell me so that I may believe in him.”

Jesus said, “You have now seen him; in fact, he is the one speaking with you.”
Then the man said, “Lord, I believe,” and he worshipped him. Jn 9:35–38 NIV

In the following chapter, Jesus explains that he is the Good Shepherd who wants to save the misunderstood and rejected sheep.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
“I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep. Jn 10:10–11 NASB95

No matter how people have abused you, you are no less loved by Jesus.

Jesus is speaking to you now.

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Mt 11:28 NASB95

God Heals Wounded Souls

 In my last post I wrote about how we can overcome negative thoughts and distractions.

When you fail, when bad thoughts shame you, when your worries overwhelm you, you need to know that God's love does not depend on your devotion, but on His unconditional love for you.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. Jn 3:16 NIV

If your prayers are distracted by anger and resentment, you need to know that God loves you dearly in spite of your anger.

Humbling yourself with repentant confession will not solve the problem. You need to discuss your hurts with God. God understands that you are hurt and that unhealed anger is not helpful, but He does not want to judge you.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, Rom 8:1 NIV

But we have to forgive, don't we? But you can't forgive abuse and bullying without God's merciful help. God loves justice. God is also appalled by abuse and bullying.

For you have upheld my right and my cause, sitting enthroned as the righteous judge. Ps 9:4 NIV

If you are willing to forgive abuse, God can and will heal your wounds and make amends for your losses.

God knows you are hurting. Forgiving does not mean excusing what has been done to you. It does not mean that you are not allowed to feel hurt. It means you hand over the offender to God, to God’s judgement and also God’s mercy.

If you forgive someone, it does not mean you have to remain associated with that person. You need to put a safe distance between yourself and a malicious bully, even if the bully is a partner or a member of your family.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Ps 147:3 NIV

God Understands

 Who understands the deep wounds in your soul? Only God.

Every heart has its own bitterness, and no one else can fully share its joy. Prov 14:10

Who understands the difficult path from your failure to the fulfilment of your destiny? Only God.

There is an old English hymn.

‘’What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear.‘’
Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness
Take it to the Lord in prayer

Sometimes good counsellors or therapists can help, but only God fully understands all your deepest troubles.

But when we teeter helplessly on the edge of despair, we can be tempted to cling to the comfort and security of people as if human help can save us.

A pastor or counsellor with simple answers to all your problems can limit your potential. Canned food can never provide the same nourishment that comes from fresh food.

A well-known preacher illustrated this problem with this joke.

A Christian asked his pastor a difficult theological question.
The pastor gave an impressive answer and justified his teaching with a Bible text.
Father God in heaven listened in amazement.

‘’Jesus. Did you hear what that pastor just said? I would never have thought of it. Did you tell him?‘’

We don't get by in life by having simple answers for every question.
The crucial question is whether you have a living relationship with Jesus, because Jesus is the way, the truth and the life.

We are not saved because we are right in all theological questions.
It is not theology that saves us, but the Saviour.
There are secrets hidden in your soul, secrets that only you are familiar with.

There are some counsellors and therapists with whom you can uncover such secrets, and they will care for you with understanding and respect, but there are also counsellors who claim to know everything and to be right about everything. It is better to avoid such counsellors.

There are so many mysteries and secrets in my own life that I only partially understand. Even the best counsellors don't understand half of it, but I have learned to trust God more and more as my guide in my ignorance.

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. 

He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. 

He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. 

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. Ps 23:1–4 NKJV

Do you understand why God loves you? Maybe a little, or maybe not at all.

But if you can learn little by little to believe in God's care and guidance, and to hold on to His love, then Jesus will be your protection and shield.

God understands the secrets in your heart that you don't understand yourself. When you surrender your life into the hands of God, He will mould your life so that you can experience deep healing.

He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds. Ps 147:3 NKJV

But please be patient. This healing can take some time.

Moses had to suffer as a refugee in the desert for 40 years before God called him to enter His service.

Abraham and Sarah were already very old when their promised son was born.

Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. Jas 5:7 NIV

God Changes Bad People

There are terrible people who repent and God forgives them.

Hermann Zaiss was a very blessed German evangelist at the end of the war. As early as 1945, thousands and thousands of people from all regions of Germany and other countries came to his meetings.

Many gravely ill people were miraculously healed, but these were not the greatest miracles.  

There was a young soldier in the British army of occupation. He had a burning hatred of the German people.

His commander was a Canadian officer who looked upon this young man with Christian compassion because his uncontrollable bitterness was poisoning his own soul.

This young man was no monster. A Jewish child from Germany, he had found refuge in England, but his entire family was murdered by the Nazis.

The Canadian officer brought the emotionally wounded young soldier to the meeting where the German evangelist was preaching.

Also among the audience was another seriously injured man. He was a hardcore Nazi from the Waffen SS, a loyal disciple of the Führer.

In the last days of the war, he was hit by an artillery shell explosion.

When he woke up from a coma, he saw a black American nurse smiling at him with Christian compassion.

He no longer understood the world. One of his legs had been torn apart, and he was permanently crippled.

The helpless SS officer and the embittered young Jew listened to the sermon, saw the healings and felt the presence of God with his love and mercy.

Then their hearts became warm and soft. They turned to Jesus and testified of their experience.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Ps 147:3 NIV

Then the most amazing of all miracles took place. They became firm friends.

We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love each other. Anyone who does not love remains in death. 1 Jn 3:14 NIV

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, Ro 5:1 NIV

You are Allowed to Make Mistakes

You are allowed to make mistakes.

When I was a young newly converted Christian, I joined a church where complete surrender was required.

I had dabbled with humanistic religion for a few years. Was that my search for truth or my flight from truth? A good question.

In the Bible, truth, holiness and obedience are strongly emphasised, no question, but you also find in the Bible the God of grace and kindness.

In this church, the presence of the Holy Spirit could be felt and I felt the love of God in a wonderful way. Where people genuinely seek God's presence, God allows his presence to be tangibly experienced.

In the New Testament I see both, the holiness of God and the grace of God. We need both, because there are not two Gods, but only one God. The God of holiness is also the loving God of grace who cares for weak Christians with gentleness.

In this church, preachers demanded extreme obedience. They threatened and intimidated the members. This is not from God.

I was under the impression that the preachers and leaders were holy and faultless, and I was not allowed to make any mistakes either.

Striving for total obedience became torture. I simply could not stand the stress. I was excommunicated, but God did not agree with the preachers' judgement.
I am still alive God blesses me more than ever.

What have I learnt from all this?

• Obedience is important, but God understands my weaknesses and loves me indispensably.

• I am allowed to make mistakes.

• It is dangerous to think of preachers and church leaders as super saints.

• All Christians make mistakes and all pastors and preachers make mistakes.

• When I am misunderstood or condemned by preachers, I have a God who understands me completely and does not condemn me.

• There are many preachers who claim to have a message from God. Sometimes it is true and sometimes it is not.

• I can learn to hear God's voice, but it is a learning process. I am also allowed to make mistakes.

• God loves me in spite of everything.

• He has a good plan for my life, even if other Christians often don't understand that plan. Pastors can also misunderstand God's plans for me.

I have since found good churches and good pastors. God knows how to guide and comfort his children.

"Comfort, comfort my people!" says your God.
“Comfort, yes, comfort my people,” says your God.

“Speak tenderly to Jerusalem and tell her that her sad days are gone. Her sins are pardoned, and I have punished her in full for all her sins.” Isaiah 40:1–2 The Living Bible