Christians Bullying Christians.

 So many Christians are bullied by other Christians. 

I was once the victim of bullying. Sadly, victims often also become bullies. As a child I bullied my younger brothers and am sorry to say I became a harsh controlling step-father. I am now friends with my brothers and step-sons.

Jesus spoke very harsh words against the sin of Christian bullying.

But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, 'My master is staying away a long time,' and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards. Matthew 24:48-49 (NIV)

There are also religious bullies who don't get drunk or indulge in sins of the flesh but is Jesus suggesting that bullying is just as bad as getting drunk and indulging the flesh? or worse?

Religious legalism often leads to bullying.

What is legalism? It is an attempt to prevent or correct sin using human rules and punishments.

You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you: "'These people honour me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.'" Matthew 15:7-9 (NIV)

Jesus spoke more strongly against bullying and legalism than any other sin.  

I am not against pastors. There are wonderful pastors and I know some as friends. Pastors too can be victims of bullying. I have seen this several times and it is horrible.

The Apostle Paul was also very strong in condemning bullying. In his second letter to the Corinthian church, Paul rebukes the Corinthian believers. Why? Not for sexual sin. That was in his first letter.
He rebukes them for submitting unconditionally to bullying preachers.

You gladly put up with fools since you are so wise! In fact, you even put up with anyone who enslaves you or exploits you or takes advantage of you or pushes himself forward or slaps you in the face. 2 Cor 11:19-20 (NIV)

Any pastor or preacher who demands unconditional and total submission is a false shepherd.

If a pastor responds to criticism or disagreement with threats or intimidation, why not just leave?

If a leader imposes his will on people to the point that his word is law, he is usurping the lordship of Jesus.

There are many Christians who feel uneasy, resentful or secretly angry towards over confident, controlling leaders but they believe they must not resist because that would be the sin of rebellion.
This is a false understanding of scripture.

When King Saul tried to kill David, David fled for his life.

 If you are bullied in church, you are entitled to leave the church. It may even be your duty to leave.

You cannot serve two masters. 

If you submit to a bully, you are submitting to a false spirit, because the Spirit of Jesus is never cruel, but kind and loving.

Supposing you are imprisoned by religious parents or a ruthlessly controlling husband. If you leave the church, you could become homeless or lose your children.  

You can be like Joseph in prison who cultivated a secret relationship with God.  

He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. Ps 147:3 (NIV)

"The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me, Because the LORD has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the broken hearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound; Isaiah 61:1 (NKJV)

It is good if you can talk back to bullies and it is not a sin but sometimes a soft answer is better.

In extreme cases, the strongest answer is a stubborn, determined silence, especially if you are expected to agree, express submission or apologise when you believe you are not in the wrong.

When Jesus was on trial for his life, He answered many aggressive questions and accusations with silence. His silence was the strongest answer.

 

Pain, indignation and forgiveness.

 Pain, indignation and forgiveness.

Jesus was very forgiving.

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mk 11:25 NIV

But Jesus was also frequently angry about the way religious leaders bullied weak people. So often preachers give the absurd impression that religious bullying was something that happened 2000 years ago and the Jewish leaders were the villains. Nothing to do with preachers today. Really?

I am fed up with preaching against offence or bitterness because so many preachers trivialise abuse and injustice. I just read a much better message. The preacher actually encourages wounded Christians to talk to God about their pain and indignation just like the psalms of lamentation.

So many super positive preachers ignore the psalms of complaint and lamentation. They have their favourite positive faith scriptures and it almost seems to me that they want to be more spiritual than the Holy Spirit who inspired the psalms of lamentation. Not that they are all arrogant but there is a kind of collective blindness often imparted from one preacher to another.

It is not only women who are bullied and put down by parents, employers or church leaders. Men also bully men. Have you seen male animals fighting for dominance in wildlife documentaries? Jesus said the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them and they are applauded as benefactors... Does it sound like some churches to you?

But Jesus said we should be different. Many preachers teach forgiveness while at the same time trivialising trauma and abuse of power. This kind of preaching is very damaging and is often a part of the bullying process. Preaching on unforgiveness often degenerates into blaming the victims.

Jesus is very compassionate towards victims and this is confirmed by the psalms of lamentation and complaint. For many super positive faith preachers, these "negative" psalms are in the book but not a part of their understanding or teaching.

My indignation over bullying probably indicates I still feel the pain. Some people might suggest that continued indignation is a sign of sinful unforgiveness because when you forgive, you forget and the issue no longer exists for you. I think this is a serious misunderstanding of Scripture. 

When I was excommunicated by pastors, I was so traumatised, that I spent a full year in a psychiatric ward. In time I realised I was not condemned by God and I forgave the pastors from my heart. This forgiveness was part of my healing process but I was still broken and requiring strong psychiatric medication.

In time I gradually learned not to condemn myself but I became increasingly indignant about unjust authoritarian church leaders in general. Fifty years later, I am still a militant opponent of authoritarian church leadership. 

I am in good company. Jesus and Paul were also indignant.

Do you think Jesus was unforgiving? Or Paul? But did they no longer feel the pain of rejection and bullying? Did they no longer feel indignation when they saw religious bullies hurting weaker people, particularly vulnerable women?

When I read the sayings of Jesus and the inspired writings of Paul, I see two apparently contradictory tendencies side by side, extreme indignation over injustice, especially injustice by people claiming to represent God.

The other striking feature is the extreme emphasis on love, mercy, grace and forgiveness. It is hard to find Christian writers and preachers who are able to fully embrace both of these aspects of God's character in full measure.

In his second letter to the Corinthian church, Paul rebukes the Christians for submitting to authoritarian pulpiteers.

In fact, you even put up with anyone who enslaves you or exploits you or takes advantage of you or puts on airs or slaps you in the face. 2 Cor 11:20 NIV

Recovering from Disappointment

Are you disappointed with Christians? Maybe God is disappointed too, but He still loves them, and He loves you too.

You can find God's love if you seek God yourself, no matter what other Christians or non-Christians do. Without God, there is no hope in all eternity. If you take God seriously, you will find Him.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Mt 7:7–8 NIV

Do you often think about bitter experiences or how people have hurt you? Sadly that is all too common. But too many such thoughts can poison your soul. You can deliberately reflect on beautiful memories. It works like an antidote.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Php 4:8 NIV

Once I was in a church service. I was thinking about my many disappointments in the church and in other churches. I thought about how I had experienced shipwreck again and again. I opened my heart to God and I received a whole new insight from God.

I was shipwrecked several times, but God gave me the treasure. In my spirit I saw an image of a treasure chest on the seabed.

Despite my many mistakes, despite mistakes of others and sometimes even bullying from church leaders, despite all this I had experienced a lot of grace and learnt truth.

Despite my failures and traumatic experiences, God's saving love was always at work in my life.

“I will give you the treasures of darkness And hidden wealth of secret places, So that you may know that it is I, The LORD, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name. Is 45:3 NASB95

God wants to help you, but if you also need human help, a good therapist can sometimes help.

Love Your Enemies

 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.’
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,  Mt 5:43–44 NIV

It goes against our human nature, but this is what Jesus taught.

But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; Mt 5:39 NRSV

If you are a Christian, then hatred and revenge are strictly forbidden.

Some Christians want to obey these commands to such an extreme that they become pacifists. But are victims of bullying or violence not allowed to defend themselves? If you see a weak person being attacked or abused, should you just stand by and pray? Does a Christian, as some claim, have no rights?

When Paul cast a demon out of a fortune teller, he and his partner Silas were beaten and thrown into prison.

How did he react?

So the jailer put them into the inner dungeon and clamped their feet in the stocks.
Around midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening. Acts 16:24–25 NLT

No matter what happens to you, your love for God must never diminish. Anyone who blames God for injustice makes their situation even worse.

And how did God react?

Suddenly, there was a massive earthquake, and the prison was shaken to its foundations. All the doors immediately flew open, and the chains of every prisoner fell off! Acts 16:26 NLT

I know an ex-Muslim from Arabia who registered in Jordan as a persecuted refugee. The Muslim UN officials did not want to let him move to Australia as a refugee. As he sat in a UN office, an official was on the verge of rejecting his application, but then God intervened.

God sent an earth tremor. The building began to shake. The officials were shaken. They sensed that God was at work. Suddenly the official said, ‘Application approved,’ and she stamped the visa application.

How did Paul react when he was released by the Holy Spirit?

The jailer thought the prisoners had escaped and he wanted to kill himself, but Paul loved his enemies.

But Paul shouted to him, “Stop! Don’t kill yourself! We are all here!” 

The jailer called for lights and ran to the dungeon and fell down trembling before Paul and Silas.
Then he brought them out and asked, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” 

They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved, along with everyone in your household.”
And they shared the word of the Lord with him and with all who lived in his household. Acts 16:28–32 NLT

Some Christians claim that a Christian should have no rights, but this is not the case.

When it was daylight, the magistrates sent their officers to the jailer with the order: “Release those men.”
The jailer told Paul, “The magistrates have ordered that you and Silas be released. Now you can leave. Go in peace.”

But Paul said to the officers: “They beat us publicly without a trial, even though we are Roman citizens, and threw us into prison. And now do they want to get rid of us quietly? No! Let them come themselves and escort us out.” Acts 16:35–37 NIV

Victims of bullying and abuse often make one of two mistakes.

Some learn to passively accept abuse and see themselves as inferior victims. Many sexually abused girls, but also boys, become prostitutes.

Then there are others who seek justice or revenge with hatred and anger. It is not a mistake to seek justice, but we must learn, like Jesus and Paul, to love our enemies.

Restauring Bullied Christians

There are lost sheep that Jesus wants to restore.

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 

And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders
and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbours together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ Lk 15:4–6 NIV

This well-known parable of Jesus is ignored by some preachers.

However, it should admonish us that we are called as witnesses for Jesus to win people for Jesus.

Many preachers use this parable to encourage us to pray for others and to evangelise. That is right and very important.

But when I consider this little story carefully, I don't see a wild sheep that has never been tamed.

The lost sheep in this parable already belonged to the flock, but somehow got lost.

I have no experience with sheep, but I do know a bit about keeping chickens.

My wife and I had a few chickens in our small backyard. It was always an outsider, a chicken that was bullied.

Then my mother-in-law gave us more chickens and the bullying got much worse.

One of the new arrivals was of a different breed. This hen had long feathers on its head, but no red crest.

The other hens were the worst racists.

The different-looking hen was totally rejected, cruelly picked on and rejected.

The bullying was constant and brutal. She moved away from the others and secluded herself in a corner or hid behind a bush.

There are communities where sexual sin is punished harshly, but very unfairly, because it is always the woman who is blamed. If a girl or young woman is harassed in this way and leaves the church, who takes care of her?

There are churches where a wife is supposed to obey unconditionally, but when husbands are cruel and domineering, the wife is blamed. Who cares for her?

There are many Christians who truly believe in Jesus, but they are somehow different.

A young man was converted in a very evangelistic church. In this church, cigarette smoking was tolerated for a while after conversion, but not for long.

After a few months this young man was still smoking and he was condemned as a rebellious sinner and cast out.

Such churches criticise churches without discipline. In the New Testament we read of only one case where a sinning Christian was to be expelled from the church.

But only one Christian in the New Testament was expelled from the church because of sin. He was a man in Corinth who was involved in a sexual relationship with his mother-in-law.

There are churches that function like exclusive sects. Those who do not submit unconditionally become victims of bullying. If such a Christian is expelled or leaves the church, no one cares about him.

In Corinth, some such preachers had seized control of the church. Paul rebuked the Christians who had submitted.

In fact, you even put up with anyone who enslaves you or exploits you or takes advantage of you or puts on airs or slaps you in the face. 2 Co 11:20 NIV

This still happens. There are many traumatised people who have been victims of bullying in churches and cults. They are lost sheep. Who looks after them?