What is Forgiveness? It is not ...

One of the biggest problems with forgiveness is this. People don’t understand what forgiveness really is. 

• If someone terrorises you, rapes you, steals your wife or husband or children, you read the Bible and you see that God expects you to forgive the person who ruined your life. 

• You are a woman in hospital because your husband beat you up and not for the first time. You go to the funeral of your son who killed himself because a priest or pastor raped him.

You go to a pastor for counselling and he says: “Just forgive.”Of course that is at least half right. The Lord’s Prayer says:And forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone indebted to us...Luke 11:4 (NRSV)

It is true that if you do not forgive, you will not be able to fully enjoy the mercy of God, the peace of God, the comfort of God or perhaps the healing power of God.

• So what is wrong with the advice to “Just forgive?”

The word “JUST” is an insult, a slap in the face, a kick in the stomach. It is the arrogance of a Pharisaical priesthood.

When a father, a mother, a wife, a husband, a priest or pastor destroys your life by condemnation, rejection, adultery, slander, violence or rape and your life is in ruins, you feel violent indignation. You are burning with a sense of injustice. 

• Supposing the injustice is ongoing and not just something that happened in the past. If you “just” forgive, you feel you are submitting to evil and excusing or even condoning evil. 

It is wrong to excuse evil or condone sin and you are right to feel this.

When Jesus was hanging on the cross, He said: 

Then Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do." ... Luke 23:34 (NKJV)

Jesus was not excusing their sin. He was not trivialising the sin of murder. He was releasing them from the judgement of God, so they would be able to seek forgiveness and receive mercy from the Father.

When you counsel a person who has been terribly abused, never tell them to “just forgive.” A terrible injustice has been done. 

Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15 (NKJV) 

We could perhaps add, “Rage with those who rage.” 

When a man abuses, rapes or bashes his children, the mother of the children should be angry. There is something wrong if she is not angry. Do you imagine God Himself does not feel angry about this?

If you counsel such a woman, the first priority is to help her to protect her children and herself, often by leaving her husband and taking her children away.

It is also essential to minister to her broken heart by entering into her trauma and taking her side.

"The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; 

He has sent Me to heal the broken-hearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed; Luke 4:18 (NKJV) 

Then you must help the woman to forgive. This does not mean she must go back to her husband or allow him to continue beating, raping or abusing.

• Many Christians are wrongly taught that forgiveness must include excusing the sin. Wrong!
• Many Christians are taught that forgiveness requires them to continue in fellowship with a violent or dangerous partner or parent. Wrong!
• Many Christians are taught to believe forgiveness requires them to forget that their daughter committed suicide because she was seduced by her father or her pastor. Wrong!
• Many Christians are taught that if they are still traumatised, they have not forgiven. Wrong!

When Jesus prayed for the forgiveness of His tormentors on the cross, did He then not feel tormented any more? What a ridiculous idea!

If Christian woman is raped, and she forgives her attacker, does that mean she should not then report the crime and cooperate with the police and the courts? That would expose other women to danger. 

To be continued.