Overcoming Despair and Bitterness

Have you experienced a humiliating defeat? Maybe you've lost your job or your marriage.
You wonder if you are the victim or if you have failed yourself.

Many Christians give up or blame God themselves.

Some blame themselves. They become passive and resigned.

This is very dangerous. It can lead to a serious depressive illness, perhaps alcoholism, or pornography addiction, or suicide.

The most miserable failure in the Bible was Judas Iscariot, who betrayed Jesus. When he realised his terrible guilt, he did not plead for God's forgiveness. Instead, he fell into despair and self-hatred.

When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders.

“I have sinned,” he said, “for I have betrayed innocent blood.” “What is that to us?” they replied. “That’s your responsibility.”

So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself. Mt 27:3–5 NIV

No matter how you have failed, you are still totally loved by Jesus. He wants to forgive you. He wants to give you a completely new start.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Ps 34:18 NIV

Peter also let Jesus down.

After a little while, those standing there went up to Peter and said, “Surely you are one of them; your accent gives you away.”

Then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know the man!” Immediately a rooster crowed.

Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly. Mt 26:73–75 NIV

But Peter did not give up. Jesus met him and Peter was ready to receive forgiveness and love from Jesus.

When you are rock bottom, you can reject yourself or hate your adversaries. But you won't find a way out with hatred and rejection.

Forgive those who bully or abuse you. Above all, forgive yourself.

This is so hard, but no one was more terribly abused than Jesus, hanging stark naked on the cross. How did he pray?

Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.” Lk 23:34 NRSV

But maybe you are a victim of sexual abuse. Can you demand justice?

Why not? God is the God of mercy, but also of justice. If criminals are not punished, they can continue to sin and destroy other victims.

But it is so important that you allow God to cleanse your heart of all bitterness.

Are you a victim or a failure? It doesn't matter. Jesus loves you. He still has good plans for you.

Despite everything, you can have a future.

Should you love yourself?

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Mt 11:28 NLT

God loves you and me. We have all gone wrong. We are all unworthy sinners, we need God's forgiveness. Without God's forgiveness, we must always strive to hide our shame and disguise our failures.

You and I have a longing for love, but we always doubt whether we can be lovable.

Many react with exaggerated self-centredness. Religious Christianity has therefore rejected all self-love as sin. Many strive to resist self-love. They try to love others, but not to love themselves.

But this does not work well.

We learn from social science that many patients visit a doctor, get a prescription, but they don't buy the medicine. Others buy the medicine but don’t take it. Then there are others who take the medicine but take it incorrectly, or forget to take it when they are in a hurry.

(Peterson, Jordan B.. 12 Rules For Life: An Antidote for Chaos. Kindle Edition.)

Why do we neglect our own health? Because of a lack of genuine, healthy self-love.
But social scientists have revealed an even more astonishing finding.

When they get a prescription from the vet, almost all people are very reliable and use the medicine just right.

Jesus tells us to love ourselves. But no! Really?

... ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ … Mk 12:31 NLT

But many preachers have always claimed that we all love ourselves too much. We must therefore endeavour not to love ourselves.

And the very many people who despair and commit suicide, do they really love themselves?
So many people do not respect themselves, do not care for themselves, do not protect themselves.

Yes, there are people who seem to worship themselves, but there are also so many who hate or despise themselves.

I visited a church in Germany where the preacher was praying with longing for revival. He once asked God why the long-awaited revival had not yet come.
He told us that God had given him an amazing answer.

We are still waiting for revival because so many Christians do not love themselves.

I once had a problem because a pastor had arrogantly dominated me.

Again and again I thought how I should have resisted his domination. Anger and resentment kept surfacing in me. Then I repented each time. I prayed to God for forgiveness. I proclaimed my forgiveness for the pastor.

But a few days later, the anger resurfaced.

Then I gave up the fight. I simply told God:
``Dear God. You see my thoughts. What do you think about it?
The Holy Spirit answered immediately:
‘’You can't forgive the pastor because you can't forgive yourself. You should have resisted, and you failed. You have to forgive yourself for your failure.
Then I was set free.

It was a lack of self-respect. There is a God-given self-respect. This is an aspect of healthy self-love that Jesus is talking about.

Paul deals with the same topic.

He warns against extreme subservience, which is also an aspect of a lack of self-love.

In fact, you even put up with anyone who enslaves you or exploits you or takes advantage of you or puts on airs or slaps you in the face. 2 Co 11:20 NIV

Jesus also warns us against authoritarian preachers.

“But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have one Teacher, and you are all brothers. Mt 23:8 NIV

Extreme submissiveness is terrible, but rebellion and selfishness are no better.
When a man visits a prostitute, he not only despises the woman, but also himself.

Don’t you realise that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 1 Co 6:19 NLT

Healthy self-love is also an antidote to drug addiction and pornography addiction.

You can only love yourself properly if you learn to experience the love of God, if you learn to value yourself as God values you.