Love One Another

 No community can function without leadership. As Christians, we need leaders, elders, preachers, teachers and managers. Parents must have authority over their children. But when Christianity is dominated by hierarchy, we have lost our way.

But he said to them, “The kings of the gentiles lord it over them, and those in authority over them are called benefactors. 
But not so with you; rather, the greatest among you must become like the youngest and the leader like one who serves. Lk 22:25–26 NRSVue

I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. Jn 13:34 NRSVue

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Jn 15:12 NRSVue

I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another. Jn 15:17 NRSVue

Owe no one anything, except to love one another, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. Rom 13:8 NRSVue

Let us then pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. Rom 14:19 NRSVue

Welcome one another, therefore, just as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God. Rom 15:7 NRSVue

For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 1 Cor 7:4 NRSVue 

The essence of Christian marriage is not male dominance but equal partnership. 

… being subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Eph 5:21 NRSVue

There is no longer Jew or Greek; there is no longer slave or free; there is no longer male and female, for all of you are one in Christ Jesus. Gal 3:28 NRSVue

Gender based hierarchy violates the key biblical principle of mutual love and respect.

Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, Eph 4:26 NRSVue

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you. Eph 4:32 NRSVue

Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Col 3:13 NRSVue

Now concerning love of the brothers and sisters, you do not need to have anyone write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, 1 Th 4:9 NRSVue

Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing. 1 Th 5:11 NRSVue

See that none of you repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to all. 1 Th 5:15 NRSVue

Loving Partnership in Christian Marriage

 How should husbands and wives treat each other?

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. Eph 5:21–22 NIV

Many Christians quote verse 22 alone, but verses 21 and 22 are two parts of one sentence in the Greek New Testament. The word “submit” only occurs in verse 21, not in verse 22.  

 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives,  …  to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. Eph 5:21–22 NIV

This does means husbands and wives should submit to one another. There is no other way to meaningfully understand this single sentence.

There is much debate about what it means for the husband to be the head of the wife but that is a topic for another time.

Paul says husbands must love their wives as Christ loves the church, but he does not say the husband must command, direct or control his wife as Christ rules over the church.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Eph 5:25 NIV

Bible teachers often ignore the fact that a husband and wife are fellow Christians and therefore the rules that govern relationships between all Christians must apply to Christian marriage.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. Jn 13:34 NIV

There are some overrated Bible teachers who teach male domination in marriage. They say a man must love his wife and a wife must respect her husband. Then they focus on wives respecting (and obeying) while they merely pay superficial lip service to husbands loving their wives. So much nonsense!

Jesus said the apostles must love each other. Was this only for apostles? Of course not. All Christians must love each other as Jesus loves us, husbands and wives included.

If the husband is the leader, which is sometimes appropriate, he should follow the teaching of Jesus about leadership.

Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them.
Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,
and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— Mt 20:25–27 NIV

Some leaders demand to be heard and obeyed, but good leaders listen and consider the thinking of others.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, Jas 1:19 NIV

Many, if not most husbands are not good at listening to their wives. We all need to improve in this regard.

But many teach that the husband should always be the leader, ideally a kind Christian leader. Careful observation of men and women should lead us to question this belief.

Some men are natural leaders and many others are born to be faithful followers. Likewise some women are natural leaders and many others are gifted to be followers.

The couple who led me to faith were my uncle and his wife. She was created and gifted to be a natural strong leader, and her husband was an introvert with the qualities of a good partner and a faithful follower.

My aunt loved and respected her husband and he loved and respected her leadership qualities.