The Problem of Loneliness

 Those who trust Jesus have a hope and a good future, but we can be lonely along the way.

Loneliness is a sad reality of our life on this earth. Sadly there are so many broken relationships, divided families, displaced refugees and isolated victims in wars, victims of abuse, workplace bullying or human trafficking … The list is endless in troubled times.

Loneliness can be dangerous. In lonely times, we can experience heightened negative moods and emotions. You can be depressed or despondent. Behind many posts and comments on the internet is panicked fear.

In loneliness we seek comfort, and that is good. We can call friends or listen to nice music. We can have a pet as a friend or read a good novel. You can study something that fascinates you. A young German in an American prison was a fitness freak.

There are good ways to ease the pain of loneliness, but unfortunately there are also bad ones.

 You can drink, eat, smoke marijuana or watch porn. There are men who visit brothels and women who seek wild sexual experiences. This only makes your loneliness worse.

Eating, drinking and sex are part of a normal, healthy life, but when they become addictions and take you away from good human companionship, they make you even lonelier.

There are Christians who claim you don't need friends if you have Jesus. Either they have never experienced deep loneliness, or they have an exceptional spiritual gift to enjoy a close friendship with God and a calling to walk alone, like John the Baptist.

There are also introverts who like to be alone, but you must not expect others to be like you.

If you are a very strong believing Christian who likes to pray alone for hours and are content as a single intercessor, you must never expect that lonely and depressed Christians without partners or friends should be like yourself.

Such advice is not only misguided, but life-threatening. It can lead to despair and suicide.

In the Bible before the Fall, Adam was alone. What did God say?

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.” Gen 2:18 NRSV

If you are alone and friendless, some Christians will blame you if you are not involved in a church.

But there are Christians who repeatedly have negative or traumatic experiences in churches.

There are so many churches where you are expected to conform and think just like everyone else. You don't need manipulation. You need friendship.

There are Christians who see psychiatry, medication and psychotherapy as worldly and evil. But there are Christians who, despite active membership in churches, find better understanding and compassion in a clinic than in church.

As a young Christian, I had traumatic experiences in churches. For a while, I got more help in a psychiatric hospital than in church.

I am grateful that I have not needed psychiatric care for many years now. I have also been actively involved in good Christian fellowship for years.

If you are lonely, please never give up. God hears your prayers. There are other Christians who understand your pain and loneliness. Ask God that you find the right people.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jer 29:11 NKJV