Divorce for Domestic Abuse?

 It was common for men to divorce their wives in the Bible. This was often a cruel practice. A man could threaten to divorce his wife if she was not submissive to his will.

In NT times, many rabbis allowed a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all.

A divorced woman was often faced with horrible alternatives. She was no longer a virgin. If her father or brothers would not support her, she could be forced into begging or prostitution to survive.

This historical background helps us to understand the strong teaching of Jesus against divorce.

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’
and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Mt 19:3–9 NIV

In this passage Jesus is talking about husbands divorcing their wives, not women escaping brutal domestic violence, which is not the same issue.

In the OT there is a text which is often overlooked. If a man married a second wife, he must not neglect or mistreat his first wife, otherwise she would be entitled to a divorce.

Likewise if a man or his son married their female slave and did not treat her properly, she was entitled to a divorce.

This leads us to the question, if a freed slave girl or a first wife was protected by God in this way, should an abused wife today be entitled to less protection?

If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights.

If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money. Ex 21:10–11 NIV

What are marital rights? Only sex? Surely love, respect and protection.

No one Loves like Jesus

 In the Bible we see how some very strictly religious Jews were anxious to obey all of God's commandments.

It is curious that Jesus was cruelly persecuted and his most fierce opponents were strictly religious Jews.

Jesus agreed in some ways with these religious men that we must all obey God's commandments.

But Jesus had a very different view of God's commandments. For the strictly religious people, sin could be avoided altogether by always following a list of rules.

Jesus taught that you could by no means be sinless with this view.

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.

You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup, so that the outside also may become clean. Mt 23:25–26 NRSV

Jesus taught that the root of sin is not in external actions, but in our soul or heart.

But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them.

For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.

These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them.” Mt 15:18–20 NIV

If you not only always speak only the truth and never lie, if you always proclaim God's truth and always do so with wisdom, love and compassion, then you are righteous.

But if you boast about your own virtue and criticise other Christians critically and without compassion, then you expose yourself as a self-righteous sinner.

Only Jesus was without sin and no one else. He is our role model.

When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick. Mt 14:14 NIV

How should we understand Jesus' deep compassion? In the original Greek text, the word is ``splagchnisthḗsomai‘’.

What does that mean?

The suffering of the sick aroused such compassion in Jesus that it turned his stomach.

If we want to understand what God's justice means, we should recognise that God's love must determine and shape our character.

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 Jn 4:8 NIV

If you think you have no sin, you must ask yourself if you love like Jesus.

“...‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’
…. ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mk 12:29–31 NIV

No one loves like Jesus. That is why we all need God's grace and forgiveness every day.

Help for Broken Hearts

 Only Jesus understands the wounds in your soul. Only God can heal your heart. Jesus was despised as a child and subjected to the mockery of his neighbours because he was conceived before his parents' wedding.

Did Mary and Joseph explain to everyone that God was the real father of their son? Imagine if someone said something like that. Today they might end up in a mental hospital.

When the shepherds visited the newborn Jesus in Bethlehem, they worshipped God's Son. For Mary, this was a confirmation of the revelation given to her by God, but she did not share her thoughts with others, except perhaps Joseph.

But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. Lk 2:19 NIV

Are you often misunderstood? From an early age, Jesus was misunderstood and disregarded. You need help, but please be careful. Not everyone can understand you or help you.

Maybe you go to a devout Bible believing church. They teach that the psychology of emotional disorders is all worldly heresy. The cause of all your problems is simply your sin.

Is that true? Jesus must have suffered a lot even though he had no sin.

Our hurts and disorders can come from our own sins, but they can also often come from abuse you have experienced, that is, from the sins of others, sins against you.

None of us is without sin. Even the Christians who want to advise you.

If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 Jn 1:8–9 NRSV

But it is useless to confess and change only our outward actions if our offences come from a depraved or wounded soul.

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Gal 6:1 NIV

Anyone who rebukes someone with gentleness must understand that only God can heal a wounded soul. Only God can heal a corrupt heart.

Jesus had difficult problems with the Pharisees. The Pharisees were legalistic. They focused on outward behaviour instead of understanding that God cares about our heart and soul first.

Many strict Christians today make similar mistakes. They torment weak Christians with harsh criticism or they torment themselves with guilt complexes.

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.

Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. Mt 23:25–26 NIV

If you need counselling or therapy and your church only talks about rules and Bible texts, you must seek help elsewhere.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Ps 147:3 NIV