What is Healthy Self Love?

God loves you and me. We have all gone wrong. We are all unworthy sinners, we need God's forgiveness. Without God's forgiveness, we must always strive to hide our shame and disguise our failure.

You and I long for love, but we always doubt whether we can be lovable.

Many react with excessive self-centredness. For this reason, religious Christianity has rejected all self-love as a sin. Many strive to resist self-love. They try to love others but not to love themselves.

But this does not work well.

From social science, we learn that a great many patients visit a doctor, get a prescription, but do not buy the medicine.

‘Imagine a hundred people being prescribed a medicine. What happens? One in three doesn't even go to the pharmacy. Two-thirds pick up the medicine but take it incorrectly. They just forget to take their pills, for example in the morning when they have to rush.’

Peterson, Jordan B.. 12 Rules For Life:

Why do we neglect our own health? Because of a lack of genuine healthy self-love.
But social scientists have revealed an even more astonishing finding.

When they get a prescription from the vet, almost all people are very reliable and use the medicine exactly right.

Jesus tells us to love ourselves. But no! Really?...

… ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ Mk 12:31 NIV

But many preachers have always claimed that each of us loves ourselves too much. We must therefore strive not to love ourselves.

And the very many people who despair and commit suicide, do they really love themselves?
So many people do not respect themselves, do not take care of themselves, do not protect themselves.

Yes, there are people who seemingly worship themselves, but there are also so many who hate or despise themselves.

I visited a church in Germany where the pastor prayed with longing for revival. He once asked God why the long-awaited revival had not yet come.
He told us that God gave him an amazing answer.

We are still waiting for revival because so many Christians do not love themselves. 

Once I had a problem because a pastor had dominated me arrogantly.

Again and again I thought about how I should have resisted his domination. Again and again, anger and resentment welled up in me. Then I repented every time. I prayed to God for forgiveness. I proclaimed my forgiveness over the pastor.

But a few days later the anger came up again.

Then I gave up the fight. I simply said to God,
‘Dear God. You see my thoughts. What do you think about this?’
The Holy Spirit answered immediately:
‘You can't forgive the pastor because you can't forgive yourself. You should have resisted and you failed. You have to forgive yourself for your failure.’
Then I was set free.

It was a lack of self-respect. There is a God-given self-respect. This is one aspect of the healthy self-love that Jesus talks about.

Paul covers the same ground.

He warns against extreme servility, which is also an aspect of a lack of self-love.

In fact, you even put up with anyone who enslaves you or exploits you or takes advantage of you or puts on airs or slaps you in the face. 2 Cor 11:20 NIV

Jesus also warns us against authoritarian preachers.

“But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have one Teacher, and you are all brothers. Mt 23:8 NIV

Extreme submissiveness is terrible, but rebellion and selfishness are no better.
When a man pays a prostitute, he despises not only the woman but also himself.

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 1 Cor 6:19 NIV

Healthy self-love is also an antidote for drug addiction and porn addiction.

You can only truly love yourself when you learn to experience the love of God, when you learn to value yourself as God values you.