How should husbands and wives treat each other?
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. Eph 5:21–22 NIV
Many Christians quote verse 22 alone, but verses 21 and 22 are two parts of one sentence in the Greek New Testament. The word “submit” only occurs in verse 21, not in verse 22.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, … to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. Eph 5:21–22 NIV
This does means husbands and wives should submit to one another. There is no other way to meaningfully understand this single sentence.
There is much debate about what it means for the husband to be the head of the wife but that is a topic for another time.
Paul says husbands must love their wives as Christ loves the church, but he does not say the husband must command, direct or control his wife as Christ rules over the church.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Eph 5:25 NIV
Bible teachers often ignore the fact that a husband and wife are fellow Christians and therefore the rules that govern relationships between all Christians must apply to Christian marriage.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. Jn 13:34 NIV
There are some overrated Bible teachers who teach male domination in marriage. They say a man must love his wife and a wife must respect her husband. Then they focus on wives respecting (and obeying) while they merely pay superficial lip service to husbands loving their wives. So much nonsense!
Jesus said the apostles must love each other. Was this only for apostles? Of course not. All Christians must love each other as Jesus loves us, husbands and wives included.
If the husband is the leader, which is sometimes appropriate, he should follow the teaching of Jesus about leadership.
Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them.
Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,
and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— Mt 20:25–27 NIV
Some leaders demand to be heard and obeyed, but good leaders listen and consider the thinking of others.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, Jas 1:19 NIV
Many, if not most husbands are not good at listening to their wives. We all need to improve in this regard.
But many teach that the husband should always be the leader, ideally a kind Christian leader. Careful observation of men and women should lead us to question this belief.
Some men are natural leaders and many others are born to be faithful followers. Likewise some women are natural leaders and many others are gifted to be followers.
The couple who led me to faith were my uncle and his wife. She was created and gifted to be a natural strong leader, and her husband was an introvert with the qualities of a good partner and a faithful follower.
My aunt loved and respected her husband and he loved and respected her leadership qualities.
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